A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
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