Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
