i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
It's never too late to be topless.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
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