you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
