I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize
