Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize
