Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
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