Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
