they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I'm really busy with my period
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