Four minutes until I can fart!
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
