Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
