I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
