you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
