We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
