his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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