i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
