I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
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