This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
