We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Randomize
