Those balls look pretty dangerous.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
