Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
