I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Randomize
