I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
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