I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
