It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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