When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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