how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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