I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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