I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
he shaved USA in his pubs
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
