OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Randomize
