ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
