Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
sarcasm needs its own font
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
