Pappa wants mamma naked
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Shame is for Republicans.
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