wakey wakey hands off snakey
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
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