Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Randomize
