I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
did you just send me my own nude
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
