Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Randomize
