So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
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