Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
