i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
