How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
