I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
