I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
