I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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