I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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