I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
17 year olds will be the death of me.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
