My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Randomize
