Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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