yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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