im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I'm always down for nudity.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
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