you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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