fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
